Yesterday, as per the reports of Turkish medias, all talk was about a man, going by the name Vezir Çatraş, was thinking of bringing his life to a sweet end as he stood determined on one side of the Bosphorus Bridge in İstanbul. As Çatraş was preparing himself for the final jump and was saying his adieus to the world behind, as luck would have it, there came a man of a particularly good heart with his caravan of security forces: Recep Tayyip Erdoğan.
Santa Sultan called upon the desperate one to come to him. With his “unique rhetorical skills”, to which one can assert by reading the publications of the followers of the holy one, he managed to convince poor Vezir Çatraş to keep his life. He even went as far as to receive him in audience at his palace.
Accidentally, this unforeseeable world-level guiding force went above and beyond. A tad later, resourceful internet activist discovered the facebook account of the would-be jumper and learnt from it: this depressed individual, even before his rescue was an avid fan of Santa Tayyip and loved him as a good leader of the nation. How glad must he have been to learn that despite all of the safety precautions to be taken on the caravan’s route, of all things, he remained undiscovered up until Father Erdoğan could reach out to him with the saviour’s hand.
In the next days, you will be able to read in the Turkish press: “Recep Tayyip Erdoğan Has Discovered the Cure for Cancer”, “President Rescues Baby Cat from a Wild Sivas Kangal” and “How Recep Tayyip Erdoğan Built a Mosque on Mars with Bare Will Power”.
Translated from Lowerclassmag.
Originally published on 25.12.2015.